My brother recently informed me of a quote that advised not to give advice (I know...) it said that smart people already knew and "the others" didn't want to know. (I love the part of "the others" - who are these people?)
To me, this is really good advice, for you see - I am a problem solver. In fact, my husband recently 'yelled' at me that he just wanted to tell a story and didn't want me " to solve the problem'!!!
A good friend has posted dog behaviour problems on her blog. Now I agree I am not a dog behaviourist, however, I have 'rehabilitated' 3 troubled dogs. But I'm not saying anything. Okay, fine, I'll offer her support with her problem - but not advice. You see, I don't think she'll like my advice. I've tried in the past before but although she poses problems to the world on her blog, she still resolves it on her own (or what her husband tells her what to do). I've tried that so many times and it never seems to be received well, so I'll keep my mouth shut - unless I am specifically asked for help.
I'm curious - what do you do when someone poses a problem, but doesn't specifically ask for help? Do you offer advice?
4 comments:
Interesting dilemma. But, since you asked ;-)
Depends on the person and your relationship to them.
If I decide to take a stab at it I'll ask what they plan to do, how will they solve it. That tells alot about whether it is a problem or a complaint.
HTH
bye
Mr.e
Are you asking? Ha, ha, just kidding. I think that whether you should offer advice (or assistance) very much depends on the recipient. Maybe asking up front if they want it would be good. I love this topic of discussion and if we were sitting in a room together I'd be blabbering away. So many factors to consider. The "men are from mars, women are from venus" theory is that help should never be offered to a man unless he specifically asks for it and that women EXPECT help and we never have to ask, but should always lend a hand. I don't know how much of this I buy, but for the most part it's accurate. Often times when I am venting, my husband will try to "solve" what he perceives to be a problem (otherwise why would I be talking about it, he thinks). I have to say right at the beginning "I'm just talking, there's nothing here I need a solution for". Then I see his face relax. I get into problem-solver mode sometimes, too, rather than just listen and that could come from living so much in a man's world. Another thing I have to think about when talking with someone is what "type" of person they are. Are they someone who wants and needs all the blah-blah-blah or someone who just wants the bottom line?
To answer your question about giving doggie advice to your friend. I'd say, ask her if she'd like some tips? Finesse is everything. I've been hurt badly by people that are only trying to help, but I might have been more receptive to them if they'd approached more gently. I'm a person who appreciates doggie advice and have a friend who is happy to offer it, but she always asks first.
Excellent point - I'm one of those problem solver people, and I must remember to think about the recipient - absolutely correct
Mr. E - sorry about the comment moderation, that's been fixed now.And you're right, just like with almost everything in life, one must assess the situation and decide who can be told what.
Thanks for reading my blog.
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